Tag Archives: Religion

4 Life Lessons from Quaker Spirituality

“I thought I’d live a louder life…
But silence called me deeper still
Like nothing else I know ever will”
—Carrie Newcomer, Quaker singer-songwriter

I didn’t expect to experience this lesson so clearly the first time I visited a Quaker meeting. About 30 minutes into the shared silence – the community gathered in a circle, each person listening expectantly in their own way for the Spirit to move – someone stood, picked up a guitar, and began singing “This Little Light of Mine.” Moments later, another rose and spoke:

“Before we were born, there was great silence, and after we die, we will return to great silence. So, it is good to spend time in silence together today in between.”  

Ten years later, I still remember my astonishment at what arose out of that silence. I still remember the goosebumps.

For Quakers – members of the Religious Society of Friends – silence isn’t empty; it’s a place to connect with the Divine.

Centre Friend Meeting House, Centreville, Delaware

One of my early Quaker Friends, Jim, also left a lasting impression. When I invited him to share his personal story with my Psychology of Religion and Spirituality class, Jim said he’d be happy to do so – provided someone give him a ride because he didn’t own a car. As I pulled up to his house, I noticed his yard consisted entirely of vegetables and native plants. As thanks for the ride, when Jim entered my car, he offered me a big bag of freshly picked kale from his front yard, something he said he regularly did for friends and neighbors. In his quiet way, Jim also demonstrated a powerful expression of Quaker spirituality.

As a psychologist of religion and spirituality, I’ve long been drawn to learning from spiritual traditions that approach life in unique ways. Quaker spirituality, in particular, has offered me profound lessons into living a good life – insights that beautifully align with the emerging psychological science of well-being.

Here are four lessons that stand out:

1. Cultivate contemplative stillness.

“Seek to know an inward stillness, even amid the activities of daily life.”
—British Quaker Faith & Practice, Advices and Queries #3

Prayerful silence lies at the heart of Quaker spirituality. Quakers often seek to quiet themselves – alone, together, in nature – to be more anchored and present in daily life.  

Psychological research on contemplative practice reflects the wisdom of this, revealing benefits like reduced stress, deep rest, and improved health and well-being. Even a few minutes of stillness each day can make a significant difference.

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7 Ways People Actually Experience Spirituality

As a psychologist of religion and spirituality, I’ve often been asked what I mean when I use the word “spirituality.” I’ve been studying this topic for 30 years, and though I’ve found some definitions helpful, I’ve always suspected these definitions somehow come up short. For example, renowned psychologist of religion and spirituality, Ken Pargament, defines spirituality as “the search for the Sacred.” I like this definition, and in some ways, I rely on it, including in this article. But what exactly is “Sacred?” And how exactly do people go about “searching” for it?

I recently finished reading the book “Done: How to Flourish After Leaving Religion,” by another psychologist of religion and spirituality, Daryl Van Tongeren. The final chapter, “Post-Religious Spirituality,” offers a fresh way of thinking about these questions that brought me clarity, as it lays out seven different ways of being spiritual. Not seven different religions or dogmas. Seven varieties of spiritual experience. When I read this chapter, something clicked into place and, after all these years, I felt like I understood spirituality differently.

As you read below, you might ask yourself: how many of these seven ways of being spiritual resonate with you?

Five Ways We Encounter the Sacred

Van Tongeren begins by drawing on a 2015 study in which he and his colleagues advance a deceptively simple insight. People differ in perceptions of what’s Sacred. These differences lead to five primary sources of spirituality:

  • Theistic spirituality. For some, the Sacred is found in God, or some kind of Higher Power. This form of spirituality is common, particularly because it’s supported by longstanding religious traditions, rituals, and communities. Van Tongeren notes that faith, at its core, reflects trust in something higher and hope for something beyond present reality – characteristics of theistic spirituality as well. If you would describe yourself as feeling near to God, this may be a defining part of your spiritual life.
  • Nature spirituality. For others, the Sacred is rooted in a deep connection with the natural world. In essence, nature spirituality involves awe and reverence for the earth and its beauty. This can be witnessed in someone who finds great meaning while walking in the woods, gazing at the stars, or observing an animal. Some may feel this while caring for a plot of land close to home or working for environmental preservation or justice more broadly. If you feel close to nature, this may be an important form of spirituality in your life.
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4 Places that Inspire Spiritual Connection and Well-Being

Can you think of a place where you feel a spiritual connection? Perhaps there’s a location that feels sacred to you – a site you perceive as holy or divine or that evokes feelings of reverence or devotion?

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about this. Increasingly, I recognize the importance of my hometown church, where I participated in so many religious rituals that stay with me to this day, including the funerals of my mom and dad. I recognize a special relationship I have with the north shore of Lake Superior, a “thin place” for me that was the setting for me kneeling and proposing to my wife decades ago. I think of the armchair in my living room, a spot I quietly associate with spiritual reflection, as it tends to be the place where I most often read, meditate, and attend online Quaker meetings. And I recall the small stone bridge in a remote Scottish village where I once had one of the most profound spiritual experiences of my life.    

What is it about these places that means so much to us?

New Research on Our Spiritual Ties to Place

In a recent article published in Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, psychological scientists asked 832 North American Christians, Jews, and Muslims to describe – in detail – a place where they had a spiritual connection. Their responses revealed four primary types of spiritually significant places:  

1. Places of worship.

The most commonly mentioned places were the most predictable. Churches, mosques, synagogues, temples, and similar sites exist in large part to allow individuals and communities to engage in religiously and spiritually significant behavior. Interestingly, when individuals in the study described their ties to places of worship, they often emphasized their shared experiences with others – family members and members of their communities, for example – highlighting the interconnection between places and people.  

2. Natural settings.

Then there were the natural landscapes – the forests, mountains, oceans, and parks – that individuals frequently identified as spiritually meaningful. Unlike places of worship, these places tend to foster solitary experiences. People described feeling awe, wonder, and amazement most often in these locations.

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The New Science of Ecospirituality

Many people experience a spiritual connection in nature. I know I do. When I hike through the woods, sit by a stream, gaze at the sky, or even listen to a bird sing, I feel part of something larger. Nature feels like a cathedral to me, offering sacred space to reflect on my relationship with the Divine.

Psychologists have a name for this impulse to perceive the sacred in nature: “ecospirituality.” In a recent article published by the Association for Psychological Science, scientists reviewed research on how ecospirituality relates to two of the great challenges facing our world today: (1) preserving the well-being of our planet and (2) preserving the well-being of ourselves.

What is “Ecospirituality?”

Many of us love spending time in nature. We may even identify as “environmentalists.” Ecospirituality, however, goes further: it involves viewing nature as inherently “spiritual” or “sacred,” something that inspires reverence or a sense of timelessness. Consider these statements, which come from the main scientifically validated measure of ecospirituality:

“There is sacredness in nature.”
“When I am in nature, I feel a sense of awe.”
“Sometimes I am overcome with the beauty of nature.”

Do you resonate with these statements? If so, you likely score high in ecospirituality.

Ecospirituality Inspires Environmental Preservation

Our planet faces more environmental challenges than I can list here. Psychologists believe that perceiving a spiritual connection in nature motivates people to take care of our earth beyond the influence of other pro-environmental attitudes and identities.

For instance, in one study, participants high in ecospirituality perceived elements of the natural world (like oceans, mountains, and forests) to be closer to their inner circle of moral concern than participants low in ecospirituality. For those high in ecospirituality, in other words, the earth feels more like a good neighbor we’re compelled to help than a foreign citizen we feel we should.

Ecospirituality also encourages feelings of gratitude. When we perceive something spiritual in nature, we tend to appreciate it more.

Overall, available research suggests that, if we believe nature is sacred, we hold it closer to our hearts, and we’re more grateful for it. This makes us more likely to want to protect it.

Ecospirituality and Well-Being

Ecospirituality not only benefits our planet, however; it also benefits our emotional health. Psychologists believe that those who engage with nature on a deeper, spiritual level experience a range of such personal benefits.

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Crafting a Positive Religious / Spiritual Identity

​In the religious / spiritual dimension of your life, how do you identify? For example, with respect to religion / spirituality, fill in the blank: “I am a(n) _____.“

You may find this sentence easy to complete. You may even find this to be deeply affirming. On the other hand, you may also find the task complicated or even troubling.

When I was young, I would have easily completed the sentence to say “I am a Catholic.” But then my religious / spiritual identity expanded, and for many years, I would have proudly stated “I am a Christian.” Since that time, though, the religious / spiritual world has significantly changed, and I have changed with it.

Beginning in the mid-2000s to early 2010s, there began a general decline in religious activity – and an increase in religious non-affiliation – in the United States. Young Americans, in particular, reported strikingly negative perceptions of “Christians” and “Christianity,” often making associations between these terms and “judgmental” (87%), “hypocritical” (85%), “old-fashioned” (78%), and “too involved with politics” (75%). More recently, young people who were once – but no longer – religious cited reasons for their change as including a lack of compatibility between their religion and what they knew of science (52%) and not wanting to associate with a group they felt caused trauma to themselves or others or that perpetrated hatred toward other groups they supported (such as members of the LGBTQ population; 22%). 

It’s instructive to consider all of this in light of identity, which the great psychologist, Erik Erikson, referred to as involving one’s core beliefs, values, and goals that give us a unique sense of self. In general, we’re drawn to associate ourselves with what’s positive, what’s good, and what’s valued, not what’s negative, problematic, or disliked. So, the more we believe our identity is connected with something “bad,” the more dissonance we may experience within ourselves in holding that identity. I believe this is the primary reason underlying why so much Christian religious behavior has decreased in the past few decades. 

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The Psychology of Christian Spirituality

Many of us try to balance two key sides of ourselves: a spiritual side and an analytical side. Our spiritual side seeks the Sacred – something timeless or ultimately important or beautiful to us. For many, however, what we’ve learned through our quest for the Sacred conflicts with what we’ve learned elsewhere. For example, we might learn that religious teachings we were raised with conflict with science and, so, with time, we come to view our previous religious beliefs as wishful thinking, silly, or flat out unreasonable. We might still want to integrate our spiritual side and our analytical side in a desire for wholeness, but it doesn’t seem possible.

Psychological research asking individuals who became less religious over time why they believe this happened suggests that difficulty integrating the spiritual with the analytical is one of the primary factors often reported. In historically Christian countries, such as the United States, this contributes to what has been called “the great dechurching,” as Christian beliefs and practices have become less common over the past several decades. As Elizabeth Oldfield writes in her book “Fully Alive,” one effect of this is that “the stories that used to orient and guide us, handed down through generations of our ancestors, seem to have gotten lost in transit.” Oldfield shares how, at one point in her personal journey, “I tried to find a church, but struggled to connect… I found myself muttering cynically under my breath through services, so stopped going.”

In light of this increasingly common experience involving loss of faith, I was fascinated to read Oldfield’s attempt to reclaim the core of Christian spirituality in her book. As I read it, as a psychologist of religion and spirituality, I couldn’t help but relate what she was saying with what I know of psychological theory and research. For instance, Oldfield offers what I consider a continuum of human functioning, with “fully aliveness” on one side of the spectrum and “sin” on the other. What Oldfield emphasizes in this is that how people function reflects the extent to which they are connected with themselves, the earth, others, and the Divine. In other words, to be fully alive means we are connected; to be in sin means we are disconnected. This reframe helped me to appreciate Christianity in a new way, one that fits with my understanding of psychological research that humans generally do better when they feel meaningfully connected in a web of belonging.  

Oldfield ultimately reviews the historical “7 deadly sins” and what Christian tradition suggests “fully aliveness” looks like with respect to each. For instance, with regard to “wrath,” Oldfield discusses some of the reasons why people appear increasingly polarized and how stories of Jesus often highlight how he initiated relationships with the lowest status, most outsider people around, as a way to break down social walls. For “avarice,” Oldfield notes how many tend to be motivated toward extrinsic values such as money, possessions, appearance, and fame, and how social problems such as poverty and climate change could be so much better if we focused more on virtues such as gratitude and generosity. For “gluttony,” Oldfield discusses addictions, in general, and how our needs for awe and self-transcendence could be redirected to better promote health and flourishing than when we try to find ecstasy through chemical means. For “pride,” Oldfield writes about the limitations of individualism and the need for repetitive, accessible social structures that nudge us into deep community.

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How the “Inside Out” Movies and Quaker Advice Converge

After watching the record breaking film “Inside Out 2,” I wrote this piece for Friends Journal about how my personal journey with emotion relates to the science behind the movies and my spiritual quest. Friends Journal published it today.

Florilegium (I): Sermon on the Mount

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Literally referring to a “book of sparklets,” the identification of “florilegia” is an ancient spiritual reading practice I’ve recently been exploring in my own life. Historically, this practice was performed by monks reading and praying the Psalms. Essentially, it’s a quote journal.

In this practice, as you read a sacred text, you look for sentences, phrases, or words that “sparkle” in the material. You then record those. When finished, you put all these separate quotes together to create a new text – a florilegium – that may allow the quoted material to take on new meanings, as each thought gets embedded in a different context than the original.

In engaging in this practice, it’s important to consider what text you consider sacred that you want to draw spiritual meaning from. To begin, I started my practice with Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7, but I started with 4:12 for more context). What sparkled for me recently appears below. (If I had done this practice 10 years ago, or even 10 days ago, my florilegium may be entirely different!)

“When Jesus heard that John had been put in prison, he withdrew to Galilee” (Matthew 4:12).

“From that time on, Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near'” (Matthew 4:17).

“Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people” (Matthew 4:23).

“Now when Jesus saw the crowds… His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them (Matthew 5:1-2):

“Blessed are the poor in Spirit…
Blessed are those who mourn…
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness…
Blessed are the merciful…
Blessed are the pure in heart…
Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:3-9).

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persectute you” (Matthew 5:44).

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth… But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven” (Matthew 6:19).

“Do not worry about tomorrow… Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34).

“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12).

For me, then, at least in this most recent reading, this florilegium summarizes what sparkled for me in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount. To take this a step deeper, I could consider this and reflect on what individual sparklets or the overall message may mean for me and what actions I feel called toward.

6 Ways to Cope with Religious and Spiritual Struggles

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In the 2023 song “God must hate me,” Catie Turner writes:

“Do you ever see someone and think ‘Wow, God must hate me’
‘Cause He spent so much time on them and for me, He got lazy
Got ample mental illness personality flaws
While their only flaw seems to be is that they have none at all…
I don’t know what I believe
But it’s easier to think
He made a mistake with me.”

Have you ever felt anything like this? Although religion and spirituality can be helpful to people, they also can be sources of stress or even trauma. These lyrics demonstrate the emotional power of what psychologists often term “religious and spiritual struggles.”

What is a Religious or Spiritual Struggle?

A religious or spiritual struggle involves a tension or conflict an individual may experience in relation to what they consider sacred. For instance, like in the song lyrics above, a person may feel angry, disappointed, abandoned, or rejected by God. Someone may wrestle with their beliefs or the ultimate meaning of their lives. An individual also may be upset by interactions they’ve had with others within religious or spiritual communities or feel hurt or offended by the teachings of a faith.

The Effects of Struggling with Religion and Spirituality

Research conducted across a variety of contexts and groups consistently reveals how religious and spiritual struggles predict poorer mental and physical health. For instance, individuals who report more religious and spiritual struggles also tend to report more anxiety, depression, and suicidality as well as lower satisfaction with life and overall happiness.

Experiencing religious and spiritual struggles may also underlie why many people disengage from a religion, an increasingly common occurrence. For example, people may withdraw from a religion when they feel negative emotions toward God, such as in the lyrics that opened this article. As another example, individuals may pull back from religion if they experience judgment from others or disagreement about political issues in their religious community as well as when they feel dissonance about belonging to a group they feel has perpetrated prejudice or violence.

Given all this, what could help people wrestling with stress and trauma associated with religion and spirituality? Below are six suggestions informed by the research on this topic.

6 Ways of Coping with Religious and Spiritual Struggles

1. Realize you’re not alone. Experiencing religious and spiritual struggles appears fairly common. In one study, for example, when a national sample of adults were asked to name a specific religious or spiritual struggle they experienced in the past few months, about 40% could do so. Furthermore, many of the heroes of religious faith – from Job to Jesus to Mother Teresa, in the Judeo-Christian faith, for instance – also struggled with matters of the sacred. Realizing this may help decrease the sense of guilt, shame, or moral unacceptability you may feel.  

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Is God Replaceable?

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In recent years, many of us shifted our approach to religion and spirituality. Particularly in places with more resources, such as certain regions of the United States and Europe, religion generally became less popular.

As a team of psychologists of religion led by Julie Exline recently noted, shifts away from religion occur in at least three forms. First, an individual may be “done” with religion entirely. That is, they may no longer consider themselves religious and may no longer affiliate with a religious community at all. Second, a person may continue to identify as religious, but may pull back their involvement. For instance, someone may decrease attendance at religious services or spend less time reading religious texts. Third, an individual may disengage from their religious identity and religious participation and instead focus on spirituality.

New Ways to Meet Ancient Needs

In his book, “The Power of Ritual,” Casper Ter Kuile explores and advises on this third possibility. He argues that, though many people in the developed world became less religious in recent years, the underlying human needs that religion addresses continue to be vital for human flourishing. Ter Kuile writes:

“It may be helpful to think of the human longing that leads to religious culture as akin to music and the music industry, which has struggled mightily over the last twenty years, with CD sales in free fall for much of the 2000s and 2010s. But our love for music still endures… The same thing is happening in our spiritual lives… Attendance at congregations is down, but our hunger for community and meaning remains.”

In light of this, Ter Kuile puts a spotlight on something many of us may not have noticed: the creation and surge of engagement in what could be called spiritual “replacements” for religion. He continues:

“Formal affiliation is declining, but millions are downloading meditation apps and attending weekend retreats. Moreover, they find spiritual lessons and joys in completely ‘nonreligious’ places like yoga classes, Cleo Wade and Rupi Kaur poetry, and accompaniment groups like Alcoholic Anonymous and the Dinner Party… Stadium concerts and karaoke replace congregational singing, and podcasts and tarot decks replace sermons or wisdom teachings.”

Ter Kuile then notes some of the possibilities in this new era. Individuals can “unbundle traditions” and “remix them” with sacred rituals that build community and create meaning. In line with this, along with Vanessa Zoltan, Ter Kuile created the popular podcast “Harry Potter and the Sacred Text” as a way for individuals to virtually gather and ritually share a close reading of a beloved book series.  

As another example, I recently went for a hike in my local state park in Afton, Minnesota. Following Ter Kuile, as I left my car, I powered down my phone to more intentionally connect with the natural beauty I encountered. I then made a point to look for a tree in the park to connect with, a tree I decided would be old and gnarly, one that stood out from the rest. I found one matching these criteria overlooking the St. Croix River, and I mindfully walked around it three times in a kind of sacred gesture to both appreciate the tree and ritualize its significance. Next time I hike at this park, that tree will surely have added meaning for me.

Questions about Spiritual “Replacements”

There’s plenty of research evidence to show that increasing community and meaning contribute to positive life outcomes such as enhanced well-being. I do wonder, though, whether these spiritual “replacements” could start generating their own doubts and questions for people. For example, what really constitutes a “sacred” text? Is Harry Potter sufficient? Would Mary Oliver’s poetry or some other text be better?

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