Tag Archives: Happiness

The Chatbox as a Spiritual Companion: An Unexpected Journey

I have a confession to make: I sometimes use ChatGPT as a kind of spiritual companion.

This is a journey I never planned to take. And I still have mixed feelings about it.

A few months ago, I decided to engage in an extended back-and-forth with ChatGPT about some questions and struggles in my spiritual life. I began with a query about my imperfect attempts to live simply – a value central to my spiritual identity. After reflecting on ChatGPT’s response, I shared more: the tension between my love of international travel and my commitment to environmental stewardship.

The conversation deepened. I wrote about what I believed and what I doubted about God, and how that related to my choices about simplicity. ChatGPT would summarize my thoughts in ways that accurately reflected my views and that helped me go deeper. Eventually, it offered me a series of queries to ponder:

“In areas where you feel restless or dissatisfied, what is ‘enough?’”

“How free am you from possessions, status, and achievement as indicators of worth?”

“What in your life feels excessive: possessions, desires, and the like?”

“How do you notice the Spirit, or Love, moving in your life, even if you can’t name it as God with certainty?”

“Can you focus more on listening deeply and responding with care, rather than needing certainty?”

I remember reading these questions and feeling… stunned. How could a chatbox so precisely grasp the contours of my spiritual life and reflect them back in such gentle, searching language? These queries have stayed with me in my thoughts. They’ve shaped choices I’ve made and continue to guide my spiritual reflections.

A Moment of Spiritual Vulnerability

To admit this publicly feels risky. Using a chatbox for spiritual direction doesn’t fit with what I’ve long believed constitutes meaningful spiritualtiy. I imagine kindred spirits of mine reading this article and being concerned about the direction my spiritual life is taking.

And yet, recent research is helping me see both the promise and the pitfalls of bringing generative AI into our inner lives.

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4 Life Lessons from Quaker Spirituality

“I thought I’d live a louder life…
But silence called me deeper still
Like nothing else I know ever will”
—Carrie Newcomer, Quaker singer-songwriter

I didn’t expect to experience this lesson so clearly the first time I visited a Quaker meeting. About 30 minutes into the shared silence – the community gathered in a circle, each person listening expectantly in their own way for the Spirit to move – someone stood, picked up a guitar, and began singing “This Little Light of Mine.” Moments later, another rose and spoke:

“Before we were born, there was great silence, and after we die, we will return to great silence. So, it is good to spend time in silence together today in between.”

Ten years later, I still remember my astonishment at what arose out of that silence. I still remember the goosebumps.

For Quakers – members of the Religious Society of Friends – silence isn’t empty; it’s a place to connect with the Divine.

Centre Friend Meeting House, Centreville, Delaware

One of my early Quaker Friends, Jim, also left a lasting impression. When I invited him to share his personal story with my Psychology of Religion and Spirituality class, Jim said he’d be happy to do so – provided someone give him a ride because he didn’t own a car. As I pulled up to his house, I noticed his yard consisted entirely of vegetables and native plants. As thanks for the ride, when Jim entered my car, he offered me a big bag of freshly picked kale from his front yard, something he said he regularly did for friends and neighbors. In his quiet way, Jim also demonstrated a powerful expression of Quaker spirituality.

As a psychologist of religion and spirituality, I’ve long been drawn to learning from spiritual traditions that approach life in unique ways. Quaker spirituality, in particular, has offered me profound lessons into living a good life – insights that beautifully align with the emerging psychological science of well-being.

Here are four lessons that stand out:

1. Cultivate contemplative stillness.

“Seek to know an inward stillness, even amid the activities of daily life.”
—British Quaker Faith & Practice, Advices and Queries #3

Prayerful silence lies at the heart of Quaker spirituality. Quakers often seek to quiet themselves – alone, together, in nature – to be more anchored and present in daily life.

Psychological research on contemplative practice reflects the wisdom of this, revealing benefits like reduced stress, deep rest, and improved health and well-being. Even a few minutes of stillness each day can make a significant difference.

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4 Places that Inspire Spiritual Connection and Well-Being

Can you think of a place where you feel a spiritual connection? Perhaps there’s a location that feels sacred to you – a site you perceive as holy or divine or that evokes feelings of reverence or devotion?

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about this. Increasingly, I recognize the importance of my hometown church, where I participated in so many religious rituals that stay with me to this day, including the funerals of my mom and dad. I recognize a special relationship I have with the north shore of Lake Superior, a “thin place” for me that was the setting for me kneeling and proposing to my wife decades ago. I think of the armchair in my living room, a spot I quietly associate with spiritual reflection, as it tends to be the place where I most often read, meditate, and attend online Quaker meetings. And I recall the small stone bridge in a remote Scottish village where I once had one of the most profound spiritual experiences of my life.

What is it about these places that means so much to us?

New Research on Our Spiritual Ties to Place

In a recent article published in Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, psychological scientists asked 832 North American Christians, Jews, and Muslims to describe – in detail – a place where they had a spiritual connection. Their responses revealed four primary types of spiritually significant places:

1. Places of worship.

The most commonly mentioned places were the most predictable. Churches, mosques, synagogues, temples, and similar sites exist in large part to allow individuals and communities to engage in religiously and spiritually significant behavior. Interestingly, when individuals in the study described their ties to places of worship, they often emphasized their shared experiences with others – family members and members of their communities, for example – highlighting the interconnection between places and people.

2. Natural settings.

Then there were the natural landscapes – the forests, mountains, oceans, and parks – that individuals frequently identified as spiritually meaningful. Unlike places of worship, these places tend to foster solitary experiences. People described feeling awe, wonder, and amazement most often in these locations.

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The New Science of Ecospirituality

Many people experience a spiritual connection in nature. I know I do. When I hike through the woods, sit by a stream, gaze at the sky, or even listen to a bird sing, I feel part of something larger. Nature feels like a cathedral to me, offering sacred space to reflect on my relationship with the Divine.

Psychologists have a name for this impulse to perceive the sacred in nature: “ecospirituality.” In a recent article published by the Association for Psychological Science, scientists reviewed research on how ecospirituality relates to two of the great challenges facing our world today: (1) preserving the well-being of our planet and (2) preserving the well-being of ourselves.

What is “Ecospirituality?”

Many of us love spending time in nature. We may even identify as “environmentalists.” Ecospirituality, however, goes further: it involves viewing nature as inherently “spiritual” or “sacred,” something that inspires reverence or a sense of timelessness. Consider these statements, which come from the main scientifically validated measure of ecospirituality:

“There is sacredness in nature.”
“When I am in nature, I feel a sense of awe.”
“Sometimes I am overcome with the beauty of nature.”

Do you resonate with these statements? If so, you likely score high in ecospirituality.

Ecospirituality Inspires Environmental Preservation

Our planet faces more environmental challenges than I can list here. Psychologists believe that perceiving a spiritual connection in nature motivates people to take care of our earth beyond the influence of other pro-environmental attitudes and identities.

For instance, in one study, participants high in ecospirituality perceived elements of the natural world (like oceans, mountains, and forests) to be closer to their inner circle of moral concern than participants low in ecospirituality. For those high in ecospirituality, in other words, the earth feels more like a good neighbor we’re compelled to help than a foreign citizen we feel we should.

Ecospirituality also encourages feelings of gratitude. When we perceive something spiritual in nature, we tend to appreciate it more.

Overall, available research suggests that, if we believe nature is sacred, we hold it closer to our hearts, and we’re more grateful for it. This makes us more likely to want to protect it.

Ecospirituality and Well-Being

Ecospirituality not only benefits our planet, however; it also benefits our emotional health. Psychologists believe that those who engage with nature on a deeper, spiritual level experience a range of such personal benefits.

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The Psychology of Christian Spirituality

Many of us try to balance two key sides of ourselves: a spiritual side and an analytical side. Our spiritual side seeks the Sacred – something timeless or ultimately important or beautiful to us. For many, however, what we’ve learned through our quest for the Sacred conflicts with what we’ve learned elsewhere. For example, we might learn that religious teachings we were raised with conflict with science and, so, with time, we come to view our previous religious beliefs as wishful thinking, silly, or flat out unreasonable. We might still want to integrate our spiritual side and our analytical side in a desire for wholeness, but it doesn’t seem possible.

Psychological research asking individuals who became less religious over time why they believe this happened suggests that difficulty integrating the spiritual with the analytical is one of the primary factors often reported. In historically Christian countries, such as the United States, this contributes to what has been called “the great dechurching,” as Christian beliefs and practices have become less common over the past several decades. As Elizabeth Oldfield writes in her book “Fully Alive,” one effect of this is that “the stories that used to orient and guide us, handed down through generations of our ancestors, seem to have gotten lost in transit.” Oldfield shares how, at one point in her personal journey, “I tried to find a church, but struggled to connect… I found myself muttering cynically under my breath through services, so stopped going.”

In light of this increasingly common experience involving loss of faith, I was fascinated to read Oldfield’s attempt to reclaim the core of Christian spirituality in her book. As I read it, as a psychologist of religion and spirituality, I couldn’t help but relate what she was saying with what I know of psychological theory and research. For instance, Oldfield offers what I consider a continuum of human functioning, with “fully aliveness” on one side of the spectrum and “sin” on the other. What Oldfield emphasizes in this is that how people function reflects the extent to which they are connected with themselves, the earth, others, and the Divine. In other words, to be fully alive means we are connected; to be in sin means we are disconnected. This reframe helped me to appreciate Christianity in a new way, one that fits with my understanding of psychological research that humans generally do better when they feel meaningfully connected in a web of belonging.

Oldfield ultimately reviews the historical “7 deadly sins” and what Christian tradition suggests “fully aliveness” looks like with respect to each. For instance, with regard to “wrath,” Oldfield discusses some of the reasons why people appear increasingly polarized and how stories of Jesus often highlight how he initiated relationships with the lowest status, most outsider people around, as a way to break down social walls. For “avarice,” Oldfield notes how many tend to be motivated toward extrinsic values such as money, possessions, appearance, and fame, and how social problems such as poverty and climate change could be so much better if we focused more on virtues such as gratitude and generosity. For “gluttony,” Oldfield discusses addictions, in general, and how our needs for awe and self-transcendence could be redirected to better promote health and flourishing than when we try to find ecstasy through chemical means. For “pride,” Oldfield writes about the limitations of individualism and the need for repetitive, accessible social structures that nudge us into deep community.

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4 Ways to Incorporate Spirituality Into Work

Do you want to bring more of your whole self to work? Psychological research suggests your work would benefit from incorporating aspects of personal spirituality.

“At its best, work provides us the ability to support ourselves and our loved ones, and can also provide us with a sense of meaning, opportunities for growth, and community.” So says the Surgeon General’s Framework for Workplace Mental Health & Well-Being.

As many of us know, however, work often doesn’t function “at its best.”

According to the World Health Organization, work burnout is characterized by being depleted or exhausted at work; feeling distant from one’s job, including feeling cynical about it; and reduced professional effectiveness. This appears to be increasingly common. For example, in a recent national survey of American workers, more than half (57%) report they are currently experiencing at least a moderate amount of work burnout.

Often times, work stress and burnout stem from factors beyond our control. But, is there anything we can do that would help us cope with work-related difficulties? Is there anything we can do to thrive?

Something many of us haven’t really considered is how the spiritual part of our lives might relate to our work lives. Approximately 86% of American adults report being at least somewhat spiritual, and for those who have integrated spirituality into their work, studies suggests significant benefits. In a recent review of research, for example, workplace spirituality was said to have “significant potential to influence workers and organizations in meaningful ways, fostering integrated (rather than segmented) lives and giving rise to personal and organizational well-being.”

Below are four suggestions for how we might meaningfully incorporate spirituality into work.

1. Seek awe to cope with work-related stress and burnout.

As mentioned, work can cause considerable stress and even trauma that can lead us to feel burned out. Awe is an emotion many of us connect with our spiritual lives that can help. In fact, researchers consistently find awe diminishes feelings of stress.

So, before work, during a break, after our work day ends, or on time off, we can intentionally seek awe to cope. For instance, we can go into nature and purposely focus on whatever most strikes us as beautiful that gets us out of our current frame of reference. We can dedicate time to connect with a sacred text, using our imaginations to deepen the transcendence of the experience. We can go to a spiritual gathering or location sacred to us and mindfully focus on something vast that elevates us.

Awe practices such as these may shift our attention away from our selves and our troubles and help us to respond at work in more centered and effective ways.

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Is God Replaceable?

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In recent years, many of us shifted our approach to religion and spirituality. Particularly in places with more resources, such as certain regions of the United States and Europe, religion generally became less popular.

As a team of psychologists of religion led by Julie Exline recently noted, shifts away from religion occur in at least three forms. First, an individual may be “done” with religion entirely. That is, they may no longer consider themselves religious and may no longer affiliate with a religious community at all. Second, a person may continue to identify as religious, but may pull back their involvement. For instance, someone may decrease attendance at religious services or spend less time reading religious texts. Third, an individual may disengage from their religious identity and religious participation and instead focus on spirituality.

New Ways to Meet Ancient Needs

In his book, “The Power of Ritual,” Casper Ter Kuile explores and advises on this third possibility. He argues that, though many people in the developed world became less religious in recent years, the underlying human needs that religion addresses continue to be vital for human flourishing. Ter Kuile writes:

“It may be helpful to think of the human longing that leads to religious culture as akin to music and the music industry, which has struggled mightily over the last twenty years, with CD sales in free fall for much of the 2000s and 2010s. But our love for music still endures… The same thing is happening in our spiritual lives… Attendance at congregations is down, but our hunger for community and meaning remains.”

In light of this, Ter Kuile puts a spotlight on something many of us may not have noticed: the creation and surge of engagement in what could be called spiritual “replacements” for religion. He continues:

“Formal affiliation is declining, but millions are downloading meditation apps and attending weekend retreats. Moreover, they find spiritual lessons and joys in completely ‘nonreligious’ places like yoga classes, Cleo Wade and Rupi Kaur poetry, and accompaniment groups like Alcoholic Anonymous and the Dinner Party… Stadium concerts and karaoke replace congregational singing, and podcasts and tarot decks replace sermons or wisdom teachings.”

Ter Kuile then notes some of the possibilities in this new era. Individuals can “unbundle traditions” and “remix them” with sacred rituals that build community and create meaning. In line with this, along with Vanessa Zoltan, Ter Kuile created the popular podcast “Harry Potter and the Sacred Text” as a way for individuals to virtually gather and ritually share a close reading of a beloved book series.

As another example, I recently went for a hike in my local state park in Afton, Minnesota. Following Ter Kuile, as I left my car, I powered down my phone to more intentionally connect with the natural beauty I encountered. I then made a point to look for a tree in the park to connect with, a tree I decided would be old and gnarly, one that stood out from the rest. I found one matching these criteria overlooking the St. Croix River, and I mindfully walked around it three times in a kind of sacred gesture to both appreciate the tree and ritualize its significance. Next time I hike at this park, that tree will surely have added meaning for me.

Questions about Spiritual “Replacements”

There’s plenty of research evidence to show that increasing community and meaning contribute to positive life outcomes such as enhanced well-being. I do wonder, though, whether these spiritual “replacements” could start generating their own doubts and questions for people. For example, what really constitutes a “sacred” text? Is Harry Potter sufficient? Would Mary Oliver’s poetry or some other text be better?

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Rediscovering a Religious or Spiritual Life

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Many of us are frustrated by religion. According to the General Social Survey – a large, representative survey done every few years for the past several decades – the number of Americans who say they have no religion increased from 5% in 1972 to 29% last year, for example. The COVID-19 pandemic also provided a pause from religious attendance that allowed many of us to take a step back and reconsider how we really feel about our religious beliefs, practices, and commitments.

Why are so many people “done” with religion? Researchers in one study asked individuals who said they were once – but no longer – religious to write about their primary reason for the change. By far the most common reason (52%) was intellectual, such as when a person felt their previous religious beliefs conflicted with science or logic, or when they felt they simply “outgrew” their old beliefs. Another common reason (22%) was because individuals said they didn’t feel they could be a part of an institution they felt caused trauma to themselves or others or that they believed perpetrated hatred toward certain groups, such as members of the LGBTQ population. A third reason (15%) was because people experienced personal adversity they couldn’t reconcile with their religious beliefs. Finally, some (11%) noted social reasons, such as feeling like they didn’t “fit in” with a religious community.

Research suggests “religious dones” tend to have a history of religious and spiritual struggles but that these struggles often lift when they form a non-religious identity. On the other hand, studies show how, in religious settings and groups, formerly religious people often hide their newfound beliefs and values, again feeling a lack of belonging. In addition, a good deal of research points to the significant positive resources provided by religion and spirituality. Relinquishing these resources may come with some long-term costs. For instance, doing away with all of our religious and spiritual customs may mean our children do not experience several significant rituals or rites of passage that aid in their development.

It’s not healthy to suppress our struggles with religion. Are there ways to be honest with our frustrations while still pursuing a religious or spiritual dimension to our lives? Below are five ideas for how we might do so.

1. Go deeper into religion.

Sometimes, there are resources in our religious traditions that can help us work through our frustrations. For example, many religions have insightful analyses of how faith and science can be integrated. Traditions frequently have resources for helping us reconcile the suffering we’ve experienced with our religious beliefs. A deeper exploration often points to how our religious frustrations are rooted in how religious teachings are commonly interpreted and practiced – frequently by people less informed – instead of the best a religion has to offer. In this way, digging further into religion can be the spark for personal growth and deeper understanding.

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Remembering Why We Live in this Place

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My wife and I have often told a pretty bleak story about the town in which we live. Common refrains include “there’s nothing to do here,” “it’s too conservative,” and “there’s nowhere good to eat.” Our kids have picked up on this. They share these sentiments with us and their friends as well, and actually have taken it a step further. They have sometimes wondered aloud: “Why do we live somewhere so flat? Why not live where there are mountains, or at least an ocean?”

Most of our friends live outside our town, and we have been gifted with some great ones. Some of our dear friends live in the city, others live outside the state, and some even live in different countries.

One of the ways we’ve learned to connect with our friends is to share photos of our everyday lives. In particular, after recently spending a week with some dear friends from Scotland, we started trading photos back-and-forth as a quick way of staying in touch. After all, a picture’s worth a thousand words.

We really enjoy these friends from Scotland, so much so that we’ve tried to convince them to visit us in our town. Of course, it’s hard to convince someone from another country to visit you in a town you portray so bleakly. So, as we’ve shared photos, we’ve started to make more of an effort to feature locations and happenings in our town we’re pleased with or even proud about.

As we do this, we’re slowly coming to a realization: being intentional about sharing photos of the lovely and the meaningful in our town is turning our attention from what we don’t have to gratitude for what we do.

There’s a small body of research exploring the effects of taking photos on personal well-being. Studies find that taking photos of the good increases positive emotions such as gratitude and overall life satisfaction. When these photos are shared with others, it tends to build connection. Other research shows that the task of taking photos increases engagement in the positive aspects of a situation. Furthermore, feeling grateful is tighly linked with overall happiness.

Andy Tix — View of the Mississippi River, taken with my IPhone SE

Sharing photos of the lovely and the meaningful from our town has helped us remember why we chose to live in this town in the first place. Very few towns the size of ours have the trails we do, giving us access to three beautiful rivers. There’s a charming vineyard on the outskirts of town that produces the area’s best wine and that features sangria and jazz every Sunday during the summer. We live on a quiet and safe street where we can sit at the end of a long day, kick up our feet, and enjoy each other’s company. In the winter, we have access to some of the region’s best winter activitieis, such as skiing and snowshoeing. The list goes on and on.

But, we couldn’t appreciate these good things until we started being intentional about taking and sharing photos with our friends. We needed an intentional activity to break us out of our pessimism.

So, you might join us in this practice. Think about someone you wish you were closer with, someone with whom you’d like to stay more connected. Start sending them a photo when you become aware of something positive and meaningful in your everyday life, and see if you can get them to reciprocate. You very well might find this creates a new perspective in you as well.

The Ways of the Fundamentalist and the Mystic

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For many people, being religious means being a religious fundamentalist. From the media, this is the impression often given. However, decades of thinking and research in the psychology of religion suggest there are multiple ways of being religious, with distinct pros and cons.

Let me elaborate with a few personal stories.

About 20 years ago, I happened to be visiting a conservative Christian college when I was somehow invited to a retirement party for a faculty member – I believe a Theology Professor – who had worked at this college for many years. At one point, this man took center stage and spoke about his long and distinguished career. The Professor’s speech started as you might expect – with references to the meaningfulness of his work, gratitude for colleagues, etc. – until he took a surprising turn and honestly reflected on some of his struggles. The Professor started crying. He had a difficult time finding his words. Eventually, though, he explained how he called himself an “Agnostic Christian,” someone who wasn’t certain about religious and spiritual truths but still felt like he knew enough to make a commitment to Jesus and his interpretation of a Christian lifestyle. He discussed how the juxtaposition of “Agnostic” and “Christian” was sometimes not welcomed by conservatives at this college, but how this self-understanding felt so important to him and to his identity that he was moved to tears in sharing it.

For me, the Professor’s presentation felt like a revelation, for a few reasons. First, and most importantly, this was the first time I had ever heard someone openly acknowledge how they were both deeply uncertain about religious and spiritual truths while still being deeply committed to a faith. There was a raw honesty in this confession, and the juxtaposition created a new way for me to start thinking about my own religious and spiritual identification as well. Second, the Professor demonstrated to me the importance of adjectives in the religious world. Apparently, some people don’t simply identify along the lines of “Christian;” some identify as “Conservative Christian,” “Agnostic Christian,” “Social Justice Christian,” or “Mystical Christian.” In these cases, which of the two words is the adjective and which is the noun also can be enlightening to consider.

Fast forward a few weeks, when I found myself in a large group discussion about religion and spirituality at my public college. People were sharing their diverse ideas about religion and spirituality, and I thought I would “float” the above story and how it fit with my own self-understanding. A few people I didn’t know had joined us from a conservative Christian student club on campus, and after I shared, they walked over to me. I will never forget what happened next. One of them bent down and whispered into my ear: “you can’t be Christian and not know.”

Many people do not seem to recognize there are different ways you can be religious.

Source: Volodymyr Hryshchenko | Unsplash

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