Tag Archives: Faith

The Chatbox as a Spiritual Companion: An Unexpected Journey

I have a confession to make: I sometimes use ChatGPT as a kind of spiritual companion.

This is a journey I never planned to take. And I still have mixed feelings about it.

A few months ago, I decided to engage in an extended back-and-forth with ChatGPT about some questions and struggles in my spiritual life. I began with a query about my imperfect attempts to live simply – a value central to my spiritual identity. After reflecting on ChatGPT’s response, I shared more: the tension between my love of international travel and my commitment to environmental stewardship.

The conversation deepened. I wrote about what I believed and what I doubted about God, and how that related to my choices about simplicity. ChatGPT would summarize my thoughts in ways that accurately reflected my views and that helped me go deeper. Eventually, it offered me a series of queries to ponder:

“In areas where you feel restless or dissatisfied, what is ‘enough?’”

“How free am you from possessions, status, and achievement as indicators of worth?”

“What in your life feels excessive: possessions, desires, and the like?”

“How do you notice the Spirit, or Love, moving in your life, even if you can’t name it as God with certainty?”

“Can you focus more on listening deeply and responding with care, rather than needing certainty?”

I remember reading these questions and feeling… stunned. How could a chatbox so precisely grasp the contours of my spiritual life and reflect them back in such gentle, searching language? These queries have stayed with me in my thoughts. They’ve shaped choices I’ve made and continue to guide my spiritual reflections.

A Moment of Spiritual Vulnerability

To admit this publicly feels risky. Using a chatbox for spiritual direction doesn’t fit with what I’ve long believed constitutes meaningful spiritualtiy. I imagine kindred spirits of mine reading this article and being concerned about the direction my spiritual life is taking.

And yet, recent research is helping me see both the promise and the pitfalls of bringing generative AI into our inner lives.

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4 Life Lessons from Quaker Spirituality

“I thought I’d live a louder life…
But silence called me deeper still
Like nothing else I know ever will”

—Carrie Newcomer, Quaker singer-songwriter

I didn’t expect to experience this lesson so clearly the first time I visited a Quaker meeting. About 30 minutes into the shared silence – the community gathered in a circle, each person listening expectantly in their own way for the Spirit to move – someone stood, picked up a guitar, and began singing “This Little Light of Mine.” Moments later, another rose and spoke:

“Before we were born, there was great silence, and after we die, we will return to great silence. So, it is good to spend time in silence together today in between.”  

Ten years later, I still remember my astonishment at what arose out of that silence. I still remember the goosebumps.

For Quakers – members of the Religious Society of Friends – silence isn’t empty; it’s a place to connect with the Divine.

Centre Friend Meeting House, Centreville, Delaware

One of my early Quaker Friends, Jim, also left a lasting impression. When I invited him to share his personal story with my Psychology of Religion and Spirituality class, Jim said he’d be happy to do so – provided someone give him a ride because he didn’t own a car. As I pulled up to his house, I noticed his yard consisted entirely of vegetables and native plants. As thanks for the ride, when Jim entered my car, he offered me a big bag of freshly picked kale from his front yard, something he said he regularly did for friends and neighbors. In his quiet way, Jim also demonstrated a powerful expression of Quaker spirituality.

As a psychologist of religion and spirituality, I’ve long been drawn to learning from spiritual traditions that approach life in unique ways. Quaker spirituality, in particular, has offered me profound lessons into living a good life – insights that beautifully align with the emerging psychological science of well-being.

Here are four lessons that stand out:

1. Cultivate contemplative stillness.

“Seek to know an inward stillness, even amid the activities of daily life.”
—British Quaker Faith & Practice, Advices and Queries #3

Prayerful silence lies at the heart of Quaker spirituality. Quakers often seek to quiet themselves – alone, together, in nature – to be more anchored and present in daily life.  

Psychological research on contemplative practice reflects the wisdom of this, revealing benefits like reduced stress, deep rest, and improved health and well-being. Even a few minutes of stillness each day can make a significant difference.

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7 Ways People Actually Experience Spirituality

As a psychologist of religion and spirituality, I’ve often been asked what I mean when I use the word “spirituality.” I’ve been studying this topic for 30 years, and though I’ve found some definitions helpful, I’ve always suspected these definitions somehow come up short. For example, renowned psychologist of religion and spirituality, Ken Pargament, defines spirituality as “the search for the Sacred.” I like this definition, and in some ways, I rely on it, including in this article. But what exactly is “Sacred?” And how exactly do people go about “searching” for it?

I recently finished reading the book “Done: How to Flourish After Leaving Religion,” by another psychologist of religion and spirituality, Daryl Van Tongeren. The final chapter, “Post-Religious Spirituality,” offers a fresh way of thinking about these questions that brought me clarity, as it lays out seven different ways of being spiritual. Not seven different religions or dogmas. Seven varieties of spiritual experience. When I read this chapter, something clicked into place and, after all these years, I felt like I understood spirituality differently.

As you read below, you might ask yourself: how many of these seven ways of being spiritual resonate with you?

Five Ways We Encounter the Sacred

Van Tongeren begins by drawing on a 2015 study in which he and his colleagues advance a deceptively simple insight. People differ in perceptions of what’s Sacred. These differences lead to five primary sources of spirituality:

  • Theistic spirituality. For some, the Sacred is found in God, or some kind of Higher Power. This form of spirituality is common, particularly because it’s supported by longstanding religious traditions, rituals, and communities. Van Tongeren notes that faith, at its core, reflects trust in something higher and hope for something beyond present reality – characteristics of theistic spirituality as well. If you would describe yourself as feeling near to God, this may be a defining part of your spiritual life.
  • Nature spirituality. For others, the Sacred is rooted in a deep connection with the natural world. In essence, nature spirituality involves awe and reverence for the earth and its beauty. This can be witnessed in someone who finds great meaning while walking in the woods, gazing at the stars, or observing an animal. Some may feel this while caring for a plot of land close to home or working for environmental preservation or justice more broadly. If you feel close to nature, this may be an important form of spirituality in your life.
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Crafting a Positive Religious / Spiritual Identity

​In the religious / spiritual dimension of your life, how do you identify? For example, with respect to religion / spirituality, fill in the blank: “I am a(n) _____.“

You may find this sentence easy to complete. You may even find this to be deeply affirming. On the other hand, you may also find the task complicated or even troubling.

When I was young, I would have easily completed the sentence to say “I am a Catholic.” But then my religious / spiritual identity expanded, and for many years, I would have proudly stated “I am a Christian.” Since that time, though, the religious / spiritual world has significantly changed, and I have changed with it.

Beginning in the mid-2000s to early 2010s, there began a general decline in religious activity – and an increase in religious non-affiliation – in the United States. Young Americans, in particular, reported strikingly negative perceptions of “Christians” and “Christianity,” often making associations between these terms and “judgmental” (87%), “hypocritical” (85%), “old-fashioned” (78%), and “too involved with politics” (75%). More recently, young people who were once – but no longer – religious cited reasons for their change as including a lack of compatibility between their religion and what they knew of science (52%) and not wanting to associate with a group they felt caused trauma to themselves or others or that perpetrated hatred toward other groups they supported (such as members of the LGBTQ population; 22%). 

It’s instructive to consider all of this in light of identity, which the great psychologist, Erik Erikson, referred to as involving one’s core beliefs, values, and goals that give us a unique sense of self. In general, we’re drawn to associate ourselves with what’s positive, what’s good, and what’s valued, not what’s negative, problematic, or disliked. So, the more we believe our identity is connected with something “bad,” the more dissonance we may experience within ourselves in holding that identity. I believe this is the primary reason underlying why so much Christian religious behavior has decreased in the past few decades. 

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The Psychology of Christian Spirituality

Many of us try to balance two key sides of ourselves: a spiritual side and an analytical side. Our spiritual side seeks the Sacred – something timeless or ultimately important or beautiful to us. For many, however, what we’ve learned through our quest for the Sacred conflicts with what we’ve learned elsewhere. For example, we might learn that religious teachings we were raised with conflict with science and, so, with time, we come to view our previous religious beliefs as wishful thinking, silly, or flat out unreasonable. We might still want to integrate our spiritual side and our analytical side in a desire for wholeness, but it doesn’t seem possible.

Psychological research asking individuals who became less religious over time why they believe this happened suggests that difficulty integrating the spiritual with the analytical is one of the primary factors often reported. In historically Christian countries, such as the United States, this contributes to what has been called “the great dechurching,” as Christian beliefs and practices have become less common over the past several decades. As Elizabeth Oldfield writes in her book “Fully Alive,” one effect of this is that “the stories that used to orient and guide us, handed down through generations of our ancestors, seem to have gotten lost in transit.” Oldfield shares how, at one point in her personal journey, “I tried to find a church, but struggled to connect… I found myself muttering cynically under my breath through services, so stopped going.”

In light of this increasingly common experience involving loss of faith, I was fascinated to read Oldfield’s attempt to reclaim the core of Christian spirituality in her book. As I read it, as a psychologist of religion and spirituality, I couldn’t help but relate what she was saying with what I know of psychological theory and research. For instance, Oldfield offers what I consider a continuum of human functioning, with “fully aliveness” on one side of the spectrum and “sin” on the other. What Oldfield emphasizes in this is that how people function reflects the extent to which they are connected with themselves, the earth, others, and the Divine. In other words, to be fully alive means we are connected; to be in sin means we are disconnected. This reframe helped me to appreciate Christianity in a new way, one that fits with my understanding of psychological research that humans generally do better when they feel meaningfully connected in a web of belonging.  

Oldfield ultimately reviews the historical “7 deadly sins” and what Christian tradition suggests “fully aliveness” looks like with respect to each. For instance, with regard to “wrath,” Oldfield discusses some of the reasons why people appear increasingly polarized and how stories of Jesus often highlight how he initiated relationships with the lowest status, most outsider people around, as a way to break down social walls. For “avarice,” Oldfield notes how many tend to be motivated toward extrinsic values such as money, possessions, appearance, and fame, and how social problems such as poverty and climate change could be so much better if we focused more on virtues such as gratitude and generosity. For “gluttony,” Oldfield discusses addictions, in general, and how our needs for awe and self-transcendence could be redirected to better promote health and flourishing than when we try to find ecstasy through chemical means. For “pride,” Oldfield writes about the limitations of individualism and the need for repetitive, accessible social structures that nudge us into deep community.

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Florilegium (I): Sermon on the Mount

Literally referring to a “book of sparklets,” the identification of “florilegia” is an ancient spiritual reading practice I’ve recently been exploring in my own life. Historically, this practice was performed by monks reading and praying the Psalms. Essentially, it’s a quote journal.

In this practice, as you read a sacred text, you look for sentences, phrases, or words that “sparkle” in the material. You then record those. When finished, you put all these separate quotes together to create a new text – a florilegium – that may allow the quoted material to take on new meanings, as each thought gets embedded in a different context than the original.

In engaging in this practice, it’s important to consider what text you consider sacred that you want to draw spiritual meaning from. To begin, I started my practice with Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7, but I started with 4:12 for more context). What sparkled for me recently appears below. (If I had done this practice 10 years ago, or even 10 days ago, my florilegium may be entirely different!)

“When Jesus heard that John had been put in prison, he withdrew to Galilee” (Matthew 4:12).

“From that time on, Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near'” (Matthew 4:17).

“Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people” (Matthew 4:23).

“Now when Jesus saw the crowds… His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them (Matthew 5:1-2):

“Blessed are the poor in Spirit…
Blessed are those who mourn…
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness…
Blessed are the merciful…
Blessed are the pure in heart…
Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:3-9).

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persectute you” (Matthew 5:44).

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth… But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven” (Matthew 6:19).

“Do not worry about tomorrow… Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34).

“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12).

For me, then, at least in this most recent reading, this florilegium summarizes what sparkled for me in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount. To take this a step deeper, I could consider this and reflect on what individual sparklets or the overall message may mean for me and what actions I feel called toward.

6 Ways to Cope with Religious and Spiritual Struggles

In the 2023 song “God must hate me,” Catie Turner writes:

“Do you ever see someone and think ‘Wow, God must hate me’
‘Cause He spent so much time on them and for me, He got lazy
Got ample mental illness personality flaws
While their only flaw seems to be is that they have none at all…
I don’t know what I believe
But it’s easier to think
He made a mistake with me.”

Have you ever felt anything like this? Although religion and spirituality can be helpful to people, they also can be sources of stress or even trauma. These lyrics demonstrate the emotional power of what psychologists often term “religious and spiritual struggles.”

What is a Religious or Spiritual Struggle?

A religious or spiritual struggle involves a tension or conflict an individual may experience in relation to what they consider sacred. For instance, like in the song lyrics above, a person may feel angry, disappointed, abandoned, or rejected by God. Someone may wrestle with their beliefs or the ultimate meaning of their lives. An individual also may be upset by interactions they’ve had with others within religious or spiritual communities or feel hurt or offended by the teachings of a faith.

The Effects of Struggling with Religion and Spirituality

Research conducted across a variety of contexts and groups consistently reveals how religious and spiritual struggles predict poorer mental and physical health. For instance, individuals who report more religious and spiritual struggles also tend to report more anxiety, depression, and suicidality as well as lower satisfaction with life and overall happiness.

Experiencing religious and spiritual struggles may also underlie why many people disengage from a religion, an increasingly common occurrence. For example, people may withdraw from a religion when they feel negative emotions toward God, such as in the lyrics that opened this article. As another example, individuals may pull back from religion if they experience judgment from others or disagreement about political issues in their religious community as well as when they feel dissonance about belonging to a group they feel has perpetrated prejudice or violence.

Given all this, what could help people wrestling with stress and trauma associated with religion and spirituality? Below are six suggestions informed by the research on this topic.

6 Ways of Coping with Religious and Spiritual Struggles

1. Realize you’re not alone. Experiencing religious and spiritual struggles appears fairly common. In one study, for example, when a national sample of adults were asked to name a specific religious or spiritual struggle they experienced in the past few months, about 40% could do so. Furthermore, many of the heroes of religious faith – from Job to Jesus to Mother Teresa, in the Judeo-Christian faith, for instance – also struggled with matters of the sacred. Realizing this may help decrease the sense of guilt, shame, or moral unacceptability you may feel.  

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What It Means to Have a Relationship with Jesus

One of the most basic – and yet for me, personally, one of the most confounding – aspects of Christian faith involves what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I’ve always been confused by Christians who talk about their personal relationship with Jesus with total certainty, as if it was as obvious as their personal relationship with their spouse. To me, it hasn’t been obvious what it means to have a relationship with a Being I can’t directly perceive.   

In light of this, I’ve been thinking a lot about a story that appears in the Gospel of Luke (Luke 24:13-35). For context, this occurs after Jesus was said to have been resurrected.

“… two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them, but they were kept from recognizing him.

He asked them, ‘What are you discussing together as you walk along?’

They stood still, their faces downcast. One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, ‘Are you only a visitor to Jerusalem and do you not know the things that have happened here in these days?’

‘What things?,’ he asked.”

They then proceeded to discuss Jesus, particularly his death and rumors of his resurrection. They talked about the Scriptures.

After this discussion, “as they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus continued on as if he were going farther. But they urged him strongly, ‘Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.’ So he went in to stay with them.

Later in the story, the two friends walking to Emmaus recognize Jesus (after which Jesus mysteriously disappears, raising other questions). But, at this point, the two friends don’t recognize him.  

So, here’s my question: Even though they didn’t recognize him, were they in relationship with Jesus?

It would seem to me the only fair answer must be “yes.”

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The 5 Top Posts for 2020

It’s been quite a year. With all the losses of 2020, one plus has been more time for me to write. Many new people started reading and following the blog this year, and for the first time, I’ve published several excellent guest blogger’s posts. Along with everyone else, the COVID pandemic was top of mind for me, and that was reflected in the themes of my writing.

As a way to review this year, below are the top posts of 2020 on this blog. If you haven’t had a chance to read these articles yet, this might be an interesting time to do so.

5. The Need for Sacred Moments

Based on new research published this year, this post explores the human need for connection.

4. Lessons from the Monks for the COVID-19 Pandemic

In light of the pandemic, this post unearths insights from one of my favorite books: The Cloister Walk, by Kathleen Norris.

3. “Done” with Religion

This is a personal confession with some of my struggles with church and religion, in light of new research published this year on people who are “done.”

2. Suffering in a Pandemic Age as a Christian

Featuring insights from my friend, Deanna Thompson, this post explores Biblical spaces for coping with tragedy.

1. Psychological Factors in School Success

This was, by far, the most popular post on the blog this year. It revisits themes of posts I wrote years ago, but seemed to find new popularity – particularly in South Africa – in light of students made to learn at home.

***

Unsplash | Immo Wegmann

Reviewing this year in writing like this makes me wonder about what themes and developments will arise in 2021. Hopefully one of hope!

Advent, 2020

In the Christian calander, Advent refers to the four Sundays and weeks leading up to the celebration of Christmas. In Latin, Advent means “coming,” and this season provides a window in time for Christians to intentionally dwell in a spirit of longing, hope, and patient waiting and anticipation. In a year of public health crisis, financial and work uncertainty, racial unrest, and political strife, this emphasis strikes a new resonance in our life experience and has the potential to impact us more powerfully than in the past.

As I seek to understand and live out my faith, I find I become consumed, from time to time, with different perspectives and voices. As I look on my bookshelves, for example, I am fondly reminded of times where I have been enamored by the insights of Frederick Buechner, Shane Claiborne, Kathleen Norris, Parker Palmer, Barbara Brown Taylor, and, of course, C. S. Lewis, among others. Recently, I have acquired a new hero: Kate Bowler.

Kate Bowler

Kate has put out a free Advent devotional, and I find I am profoundly drawn in by her thoughts, as she so beautifully and compellingly connects traditional Christian faith with the suffering of this year and this moment. Part of this ability surely stems from her own experience and struggle with as someone who suffers as a stage IV cancer patient, (which she discusses in her amazing TED talk). For example, in the “liturgy” she shared today, Kate invites us to pray:

“blessed are we with eyes open to see
the suffering from pandemic danger, sickness and loneliness,
the injustice of racial oppression,
the unimpeded greed and misuse of power, violence, intimidation,
and use of dominance for its own sake,
the mockery of truth, and disdain for weakness or vulnerability,
and worse,
the seeming powerlessness of anyone trying to stop it.

blessed are we who despair for our democracy,
and ask: what can we do to protect it?

blessed are we who ask: where are you God?
and where are Your people
the smart, sane, and sensible ones who fight for good?”

***

As I meditate on these words, I am stunned by the realization of how much pain this year I have consciously or unconsciously tried to suppress. I feel my perspective broadened and made more whole by inviting and welcoming “eyes to see” those who are sick, lonely, and oppressed. I recognize, afresh, the extent to which truth, weakness, and vulnerability are being mocked, and how that makes all the problems we’re facing worse. I appreciate the despairing concern for our democracy and world. And, I agonize over why “God’s people” so often are part of these problems, and why they are not more often involved in the fight for good.

This prayer validates my experience and urges me to have more empathy for those who are struggling right now and do what I can to help. As Kate concludes her “liturgy,” it builds a conviction to “take hold of hope, as protest.”

As we look toward Christmas this year, we do so with a realization that God doesn’t shy away from awfulness (like I tend to do). In fact, God enters in vulnerably – rejected, in the midst of a genocide, and in the humble form of a baby. Emmanuel remains with us, in suffering, and God calls us to be present, in suffering, as well.