Humans need to belong. This need – so vital to meet for our well-being and ability to flourish, particularly during difficult times – seems increasingly unmet for many individuals. As the Surgeon General warns, increasing isolation, loneliness, and disconnection drive several of the mental and physical health challenges many people experience today.
The reality that many of us don’t feel we belong need not be a source of guilt or shame. Without us even noticing, the world has changed, making this need more difficult to satisfy.
In fact, there once was a time when it was easier for individuals to feel a sense of belonging during everyday life. People lived in stable communities, connected with the land, in relationship with sources of inspiration greater than themselves. For various reasons, though, belonging has become harder. For instance, since the COVID-19 pandemic, work, civic, and religious communities have become more fragmented.
As we consider how to nurture more belonging in ourselves and others, Brene Brown’s insights are instructive. Brown distinguishes between “fitting in” vs. belonging. Fitting in, she says, involves changing ourselves to meet the demands of the situation. True belonging, on the other hand, requires us to be who we really are as we involve ourselves in something larger.
When experts in Psychology first discussed the need to belong, they focused on belonging in close relationships. For example, Abraham Maslow wrote how people, at some point, “hunger for affectionate relations… for a place in [a] group.”
Others, however, recognize different ways to feel a sense of belonging. For instance, indigenous thinkers point to how ecological belonging and spiritual belonging provide other means to feel part of something larger.
Although there may be various ways to seek greater belonging, many of us need more tools to use. Below are three practices for increasing perceptions of belonging in the interpersonal, ecological, and spiritual realms. I refer to them as “practices” because they literally require practice if we are to develop them as skills and most benefit.
- Interpersonal belonging
For all these practices, it may be helpful to begin by settling into a comfortable position where you can spend a few quiet minutes by yourself. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself in the moment.
Remember a time when you felt deeply part of a community or group, while at the same time feeling like you were fully yourself. Details will be essential here, so call to mind as many specifics as you can, particularly during those moments when your sense of belonging seemed highest. Maybe this occurred when you felt especially “seen” or “heard.” It may be helpful to take 15-20 minutes to write this memory down.
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Andy Tix 