Life consists of stories. By this, I don’t mean that we all read stories or watch stories or hear stories, but rather that we live stories. More than likely, we don’t live a single story either; instead, we integrate different stories, mostly based on our experiences with life, which typically are disparate.

Dan McAdams, a professor at Northwestern University, has scientifically studied stories, or life narratives, as he sometimes puts it, more than anyone. According to McAdams, a life story includes a reconstructed past, perceived present, and anticipated future. It includes a cast of characters, key experiences, and unifying threads. A critical assumption of narrative theory and narrative therapy is that the stories that most dominant our thought lives typically are the stories that most shape our destinies. If we somehow change our dominant internal stories, our lives change.

It is profound to reflect on the stories that most influence our lives. One story that has altered me is a story of death. When my mom died of breast cancer when I was 14, I coped poorly. For various reasons, I didn’t grieve honestly. However, these things have ways of resurfacing, and the upshot for me has been that I have been preoccupied with health, illness, and death during most of my adult life. The consequences have been both good (for example, helping me to appreciate life, have motivation to live fully now, and have a realistic view of death) and bad (for example, being anxious about health conditions and my own death). A second prominent story in my life has come from a humanistic worldview that emphasizes respect and care for humans without any accompanying religious or spiritual worldview. Many of my best friends are non-religious humanists, and some are the most admirable people I know. Taken together, these two storylines often have contributed to a sense of anxiety and despair, as they both suggest that life on earth is all there is. A third prominent story in my life comes from American culture. The story here is of people seeking to attain worth through standing out, relative to others, typically though achievement. I have proactively sought some of this story through psychology and self-help materials, both of which emphasize individuality. This story has motivated me to “be all I can be,” but also has led me to believe, in some ways, that my life lacks meaning unless it achieves something significant.

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One of the great popular myths about religion seems to be that there is much more uniformity in thought and practice than actually is the case. In his book, “A Friendly Letter to Skeptics and Atheists,” Christian psychologist David Myers points to this as an example of the tendency to commit an “outgroup homogeneity bias.” As Myers points out, tongue in cheek, “Catholic liberation theology and jihadist beheadings are, um, a little different!”

More specifically, someone might believe that their experience within a particular Christian church or denomination somehow generalizes to their potential experiences across all Christian churches or denominations, that their encounter with one Christian somehow represents their potential encounters with all Christians, and that the information they gather from prominent cases of Christians in the media somehow extends to all of Christianity. These tendencies demonstrate what Myers noted above, basically an inaccurate stereotyping process, and typically would not reflect the considerable diversity within any religion, including Christianity.

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“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 5:3)

Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount is arguably the most countercultural set of teachings in history. It consists of eight pronouncements (often called “beattitudes”) about who truly is blessed in God’s view. It begins with the pivotal statement about the poor in spirit, after which are statements about the blessedness of those who mourn and the persecuted. These pronouncements suggest the opposite of what our culture presupposes, that those who are blessed are the strong, the euphoric, and the powerful. Overall, it seems that the Christian God has a special connection with those who suffer and are oppressed. Ultimately, Christianity teaches that suffering is an important aspect of life. It is not something to “push away,” but is something to “be with” in order to be ultimately transformed.

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“More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.” (Henri Nouwen)

Many people, myself included, value love above all else. Love is at the center of Jesus’ great commandments to love God and to love others as ourselves. What exactly does it mean to love, though? After all, there many different meanings to the term “love.” For example, as I discuss in this post, in a close relationship, “love” could mean an erotic attraction, an experience of intimacy, or a decision to do what is best for a relationship or another person.

I won’t address all of these issues in this post. However, I would like to note what has become one important aspect of love for me: The love shown in being fully present with another.

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“Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive.” (St. Francis of Assisi)

One aspect of Christianity that I most resonate with is its’ focus on the interior life. That is, whereas many other religions, and whereas American society especially, tend to focus much more on externals, Christian spirituality emphasizes the centrality of what is happening in people’s minds and hearts to a much greater extent. In this beautiful quotation from a well-known prayer, St. Francis of Assisi particularly highlights the importance of an individual’s motivation in everyday life.

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“Life is not a problem to be solved; it is an uncontrollable mystery into which we. . . enter in faith, hope, and love.” (Frederick Bauerschmidt)

The older I get, the more I resonate with the notion that life is “an uncontrollable mystery.” I cannot be certain that I fully understand the nature of reality. I perceive that I am conscious as I write this, but maybe I’m dreaming. If I am conscious, as I believe that I am, I cannot know for certain whether what I perceive is completey accurate, due to all sorts of perceptual and cognitive errors that I tend to make as a human. Although I must make assumptions about important spiritual beliefs (everyone does), I cannot say for certain whether there is a god or what happens after I die. I cannot know what the future holds.

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In an article published several years ago, University of California Psychology Professor Bob Emmons described five characteristics of “spiritual intelligence,” one of which includes the ability to “sanctify” aspects of everyday life as “sacred” or “holy.” Perhaps inspired by this idea, as I have gotten older, I have noticed that I increasingly “set apart” various parts of my life in this way. For example, I have observed that certain books function as “holy books” in my life. That is, there is a group of books that I find that I continually return to for guidance and inspiration. I share my top 10 below, with the hope that they may be helpful to others as well.

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“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I believe I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. . . Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” (Thomas Merton)

As I discussed in some ways in my last post, one of my core convictions, for better or worse, is that there is at least a degree of uncertainty in virtually every aspect of life. Nothing can be proven (with the only major exceptions lying in mathematics and logic). In the quotation above, the famed Trappist monk, Thomas Merton, openly struggles with this, particularly in the uncertainties he notes with respect to the future, himself and, by implication, God Himself.

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“Admire and adore the Author of the telescopic universe, love and esteem the work, do all in your power to lessen ill, and increase good, but never assume to comprehend.” (John Adams)

Today, I begin a series of posts in which I reflect on the meaning of a favorite quote. I can’t think of a better place to begin than the one above, from John Adams. In many ways, it summarizes my deepest held beliefs and values.

It increasingly has been important for me to acknowledge the uncertainty of my beliefs. In some ways, psychological science suggests that mystery is an inseparable aspect of human experience. That is, no matter how we try, and no matter our confidence, there seem to be psychological barriers to comprehending reality. For example, perceptual mistakes, cognitive biases, and memory distortions pervade our attempts to understand. For an excellent introduction to some of this research, Dan Ariely’s TED talk is an excellent place to begin. Similarly, Christianity emphasizes the notion of “faith.” The stories of the Bible often portray followers as struggling to understand. Paul insightfully writes, in 1 Corrinthians 13:12, that “now we see through a glass dimly. . . now I know in part, but then I will know, even as I am fully known.”

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