Soon, we Americans celebrate our most psychologically informed holiday: Thanksgiving. Although most of us associate this holiday with overeating and football, the meaning of thanksgiving is much more profound.

Most of us recognize that our thoughts often are negative in tone. Consider, for example, the thoughts to which you personally most often return. If you’re like most people, many of these thoughts probably concern what you lack, what is in the way of your progress, and what could go wrong in your future. These kinds of thoughts contribute to stress, depression, anger, anxiety, addictive behaviors, and relationship problems.

A transformation often occurs when peop learn to shift their thoughts from negative to thanksgiving. Although we only celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving one day per year, we all would benefit from making gratitude a consistent lifestyle habit. This weekend would be the perfect opportunity to try out some new practices that might move us in the direction of cultivating a lifestyle of thanksgiving.

Some specific suggestions follow.

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Christian author Rob Bell discusses the need for wonder and awe in this video production. He distinguishes between the religious urge to be “right” and the spiritual inclinations to “behold,” “taste and see,” and be alive in a “childlike” sense of possibility. He suggests that the increasingly large number of individuals who identify as spiritual, but not religious, do so because of the failure of institutional religion to cultivate wonder and awe, insteading pursuing their needs for these states on their own.

The two most significant experiences of mystery and awe in my life have been the creation of my two daughters, Ellie and Annika. It is truly beyond my comprehension how an act of love between my wife and I could lead to the development of two beautiful souls such as this. Although the second was amazing as well, there is something unique about the first. Below are reflections from my myself and my wife shortly after Ellie’s birth.

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This TED talk is the best I’ve seen for addressing issues of mystery and awe. In it, Lesley Hazleton discusses the core mystical moment of Islam in which Mohammed experiences the Divine. Rather than experiencing certainty of conviction, she discusses how Mohammed was “overwhelmed by doubt” and felt a great “primordial fear,” best described as a kind of “terrible awe.” She raises questions more generally about how we increasingly seem to prefer certainty in order to feel comfortable and, all too often, avoid the genuinely human realization that not everything can be well-explained. Pride and arrogance unfortunately have come to replace the experience of “real awe” for many people.

Like many, I consider the most important role in my life to be that of a parent. Although my 11-year-old and 9-year-old mostly are wonderful young ladies, I often struggle. Once in a while, I feel like I’m a good parent. More often than not, I feel completely inadequate.

From time to time, I reflect on the difference between those times when I feel like I’m being a good parent and when I’m not. There are many factors that seem to matter. One that especially stands out has to do with whether I am connected with what I really want for my kids for the long-term. When I am connected with what I want in this way, my parenting seems to be much more helpful and consistent.

I believe that many parents, myself included, would do well to regularly reflect on the question of what they really want for their kids. (Please consider commenting below with your ideas about what you want for your kids.) Among other things, I want my kids to be healthy, mindful, curious, grateful, and hopeful. Maybe most importantly, I want my kids to be “in awe,” the main reason being that research suggests that awe may be a causal factor in promoting many positive outcomes along these lines. (Read more about the effects of awe in everyday life.) This seems to be done less and less encouraged among parents. As Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel said, “we teach the children how to measure, how to weigh. We fail to teach them how to revere, how to wonder and awe.”

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During Fall semester, 2009, along with my wife and two daughters, I spent about 4 months on sabbatical, living and teaching in a small community outside of Edinburgh, Scotland. Although the entire experience truly was amazing, one particular episode stands out. In some ways, this episode is what first inspired my interest in mystery and awe.

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“Awe is the best of man.” (Goethe)

As Goethe suggests in the above quotation, there long has been speculation that the emotion of awe may be one of the most meaningful kinds of human experience. Only in the past decade or so, however, have psychological scientists seriously attempted to understand this emotion.

Part of this emerging literature are attempts to measure the proneness to experience awe. The assumption in this research appears to be that the tendency to be awestruck in everyday life varies across individuals, more than likely on a bell-shaped curve. That is, whereas some individuals may not experience awe all that often, others may experience awe fairly regularly.

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“Many people come to me asking how I can pray… how I should think… what I should do… and the whole time, they neglect the most important question… which is how should I be?” (Meister Eckhart)

I have an almost compulsive habit of “getting things done.” Some people say that I am efficient. However, I do not recall anyone ever saying that I excel in the grace of relaxation. For example, when I take my 40-minute ride to work, rather than gradually waking up with some music or a cup of coffee, I tend to listen to educational or inspiring podcasts.

A few years ago, I was listening to the latest installment of my favorite podcast, “On Being,” with Krista Tippett.” The program consisted of an interview with the late Celtic mystical writer, John O’Donohue. I deeply resonated with many aspects of the interview, and felt compelled to listen to it many, many times.

One particular component of the interview caused me to pause and wonder. It is the quotation that begins this post. In particular, Meister Eckhart’s question, “how should I be?,” stirred in me. I often have wrestled with what I want to do. I set goals, for instance, for the short-term and long-term. I make plans. However, rarely have I considered how I want to be.

After stumbling over this question a few dozen times, it struck me to write down specific ways in which I want to “be” in the world.

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When I was very young, I was what most people would call a “mama’s boy.” I have very fond memories going to elementary school with my mom (she volunteered a lot in my school), and returning home during the day to have lunch with her (we lived only a few blocks away). I remember hanging out with her as she prepared meals, getting haircuts from her, playing cribbage, delivering newspapers around town, and cuddling with her while we watched movies. My friends thought she was a “cool” mom, and she took pride in “mothering” them in one way or another.

When I was 11 or 12, I remember something being wrong. It was Christmas Eve and our family went on a sudden trip to a Doctor’s office in another town. Later, I found out that my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn’t really know what that meant, but eventually, it led her to lose all her hair and a lot of her strength. She didn’t want anyone to feel pity for her, and she didn’t want me to see her in her weakness, so she tried to keep this to herself. When I was 14, she died.

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In the past several months, it has been difficult to scan through news without reading about some horrific incidence of international violence. An image that recently has haunted me is one of 21 Coptic Christians about to be beheaded by masked members of ISIS in Egypt.

Such incidents leave me with a sense of helplessness, as I know I am basically powerless to do anything that could directly help. Yet, reflecting on incidents of violence elsewhere has made me more sensitive to processes that relate to prejudice and violence around and within me. Here there seems to be more opportunity for control.

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